Don't squeeze the charmin
Today I wanted to write about something that has been a hot button issue for many friends and I and possibly something that you didn't know was even an issue. I am referring to the bills in Texas, Florida, and Kentucky that would make it illegal for transgender individuals to use the restroom of their gender. I don't typically like bathroom humor, but this post has the potential to get a little edgy, so strap into your toilet and lets go.
Now, I'm not sure what cisgender people have going on in there. It seems that you have secret meetings that you don't want us transgender folks going too. Maybe that's why cis women always go in groups. I can think of no other legitimate reason why folks would be so opposed to allowing me to use the restroom.
No, it's far more likely that this stems from inaccurate and terribly offensive stereotypes about "transgender predators". Now, stop what you are doing, open a new tab in Google and type in raped by transgender. I'll wait...if you did this you likely found that you can search Google for pages and pages before you can find a legit case of a transgender person raping anyone. In fact even though you searched for cases of rape by transgender people, you no doubt saw case after case of transgender people being raped BY cisgender men. The point ladies, is that we are not only statistically unlikely to rape you, but in the men's room our likelihood of being raped ourselves. This should make the feminist in any woman furious.
I actually heard an argument made that by allowing trans women into the ladies room we are inviting predators to dress up as women to assault people in the ladies room. Think about this for a second. We are suggesting that transgender people are not a threat, but that men would choose to cross dress to gain access to women, and because of it I can't pee.
Now, I don't want to get too technical here but so that you understand, when most women take hormones for a long period of time they reach a point where they are physically unable to rape someone. I just want that to roll around for a while. This idea that trans people are perverts is wild to us. We have to see counselors and doctors to get these drugs. We have to sign form after form acknowledging the physical effects we will experience. How many predators do you know who would choose to take medication that will reduce both their sex drive and their physical ability to have sex?
You no doubt have heard the saying "more afraid of you than you are of them". This is true of a transgender woman in the restroom. Let me paint what a typical restroom scenario for you. A trans woman walks into the restroom like a wallflower with her head way down. She hopes nobody is in there. She looks at the stalls. If they are closed she probably isn't waiting and she certainly isn't checking to see if someone is there. She will turn around and walk out rather than waiting. If a stall is open she goes in to do what she needs too. Now if there is anyone in that restroom she is going to sit there silently. We all have this ridiculous notion, I guess, that our splash will be more masculine. She turns the volume off on her phone in case her ringtone gives her away. She is petrified that you are going to peek through the crack (just like you are).
Now the only interaction you will have with a transgender woman in the restroom is during the vulnerable and intimate hand washing process...if you do actually wash your hands that is. That's it, that's what we do in there. We don't want in on your secret handshake. We aren't looking for your magic femininity code. We just need to pee and we don't want to do it around a bunch of men any more than you do.
Now as you know I am in the army. So for me using the appropriate restroom is not possible. I don't choose to go in the men's room unless it's an emergency so I typically make sure I'm good before I leave the house and by the time I get home a bathroom break is a priority. When I'm in the field there are few options and I am dedicated to not letting my gender identity get in the way of my job, so I do what I have to do.
My children watch a show called dinosaur train. There was once an episode called "every dinosaur poops". You can find a link to a song about it here if you want to smile. The point folks is that transgender people are not a threat in the bathroom. This line of thinking is not only offensive but also dangerous to transgender women. This paints us as predators and creates an unnecessary panic, which can often turn violent. So far this year there have been zero reports of transgender women killing anyone, yet we are in the double digits for trans women killed in America. The last thing we need is for people to have any more reason to be violent towards us.
Please help. This may be by letting your elected officials know that you support trans inclusive bathrooms. Or perhaps when you see the trans woman doing the peepee dance you will invite her to use the restroom and stand by the door for her. After all, what good is a secret handshake if all women don't know it.
"Nothing is too girly and nothing is too masculine. But I do love color, and maybe that's a little girly - especially pink." Stacy London